Oh, For Grace to Trust Him More

Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

Hebrews 13: 13-14

By way of introduction: I am a brand new pastor, not even two years into serving in my first pastorate. I am married with two kids, three cats, too many dogs, and the laptop I am writing this on is partially held together with duct tape. I have not been to Seminary, but am looking at ways to get headed in that direction. I am a school teacher by trade, and a child of God's by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. His call on my life to preach and to pastor was really one of those "I was the last to know" sort of things. Really, my heart is just to love and obey my God, to share the unimaginable grace and mercy of God in Christ Jesus, to cling to His unchanging word, and to follow Him wherever He leads. So far it has lead to places that I never thought I would find myself. One of those places is on my face before Him in fear and love and praise and wonder over and over. Another of those places was through what I believe was some chastisement. Yet another was to surrender to a call to preach. I am leaving a lot out , but there will be, I pray, time for all that later.

I wanted to begin with a post about one more place that God is leading: India and Nepal. I'll be going there, Lord willing, soon. Its only for a few weeks, but I have never even been out of the country, and this is only my second mission trip. My first was to Michigan for six days. Needless to say, I ask that you pray for me and for my family as well as the church I serve and the young man who, Lord, willing will be filling the pulpit.

The plan is to help the Body in Nepal and to minister to my brothers and sisters in whatever way I can. There is a bit more to it, but right now that is enough to pray on. There are literally hundreds of people who are more "qualified". People who have given up everything and trained long and hard to get the chance to do what has simply opened to me by God's providence. I have a family that is worried, kids who are trying to get their brain around all of this, and the best wife on earth, who is trusting in God through everything, but still not completely o.k with the trip. In other words, she is trusting God, but I have yet to see any cartwheels in the yard in celebration of the event. (Let's keep in mind, she thought she was marring a teacher. It is amazing to watch God grow both her and us.)

Violence and murder against Christians and the destruction of churches in India had been in the news lately. These and other dangers could be waiting in Nepal. There are those who do not want me to go on this mission, that has been made clear. Still, I look at all the doors that have been opened, the clear commands in scripture, and see that this is not up to me. I have to follow.

I have been taught that a good question to ask at this point, as I prepare to go, is: What is my Heavenly Father revealing about my own sinful heart as I walk this? Here is the short answer: The disconnect between my head knowledge and my faith is not longer acceptable. I cannot just know that I am to cast my care upon Him because he cares for me, I have to live that. To step out on it, is far removed from chasing the verbs around or cross-referencing .

See, if Hebrews 13: 13-14 is a real part of my life in Christ, and not just one of the scripture references in John Piper's sermon at Together for the Gospel 08, then I have to live it and walk it and trust my God.

I have to live the truth of the First century Christians leaving Judaism forever and going out to where Jesus suffered, outside Jerusalem, because we have a High Priest that it sympathetic, tempted in all ways and yet without sin, in Jesus Christ who suffered for our sins and took the wrath we deserve. And I have to live going to Him, outside of all I recognize and find "safe". Leave my "zone", leave my air conditioning and all the safety of food I trust, water I trust, and leave threats to my life and faith that I am learning (to my shame) that I trusted and allowed for far too long. Threats like apathy and self-righteousness and lust and greed.

I have to pray for grace to face a physical body that is not able to go ten miles with a loaded pack. A body that I ignored and abused until seized with panic that it is broken and is failing. I have to live the truth of His reproach, then the truth of sharing it. My Savior was rejected and a man of sorrows. He was scorned by those He came to save. I have to pray for the grace to share in that and to rejoice .

And the truth that I have no lasting city here. This place cannot be my home. A sojourner, a soldier, a slave, and a pastor and a teacher, yes - but, I am not here to colonize within the enemies kingdom. I am here to preach the gospel of grace, to run the race before me, and to battle the sin in my flesh by the power of the Holy Spirit. But most of all to glorify God, and , yes, to enjoy Him forever. Having no lasting city for me right now means falling out of love with what I have turned my "world" into. And praying that Jesus would be more and more my world.

India, Nepal, America. No lasting city here, only the amazing chance to go, at a time of danger, to a place half a world away, and wash the feet of the saints. I ask that you pray for me, that I may have grace to trust Him more, to bear up and follow in obedience.

PM